Anxiety is not just negative thoughts to will away. It doesn’t simply dissipate in response to a few quick words of encouragement on the go. It reverberates through your body and courses through your veins. It’s a predator ready to crush its prey with a vice like grip around the throat. It’s an ocean of water you are treading and not sure if you have the energy to make it back to shore.
Anxiety can be an internal intensity that others are often unaware is going on. It doesn’t always manifest on the outside of a person. You could be in a crowd and no one would know that you are breaking apart on the inside. The crowd will never know. Because oftentimes it feels like it is the crowd who is the predator you keep hidden from. They can’t know. They mustn’t know. What would they say if they knew? How would they respond? What if they were to write you off as too weak and vulnerable to be of any use?
You could look so calm on the outside, and yet a cyclone is raging inside of you. And others will struggle to understand something they cannot see.
It can’t be that bad. They assume. It’s not like they are screaming or having a violent outburst. Must be just some unpleasant thoughts they just need to get a handle on. Maybe they just need to smile more.
So you continue in your silent struggle. You pretend to be strong. Your body is screaming but your mouth remains closed. And you learn to live with the racing thoughts, the giddy nervousness and the sleepless nights.
What you would give for a still clear mind and a rested body. What you would give for some peace and quiet.
I’ve been told that I carry a lot of peace. That is probably because I’ve spent so many years in pursuit of peace. I want it. I study it. I pray for it. I crave it. For someone like me who struggles with an anxious mind, peace is such a sweet and precious gift. Right now I am in battle with anxiety. I would rather be on my own then have to contend with the crowd. Quietly moving through them, all the while the silent scream is ringing in my ears. I’m sure I am not the only one who has fought this fight. Anxiety is a common battle in our time. It is waged in workplaces, school classrooms, places of worship, and homes across the width and breadth of the land.
When you have wrestled with the monster of anxiety, you develop an appreciation for the sacredness of peace. To me God’s presence is a place of peace. One of His names is Peace. In the Bible it says that he gives peace like a river. Like a river. Not a dripping faucet, but an abundant and continual supply of peace. There are so many references to peace in the Bible, that I couldn’t list them all here. Not only references to the existence of peace, but also the value and availability and power of peace.
People attempt to bypass the peace to get to the power, not realizing that the power is in the peace – Joaquin Evans.
It is peace that calms the storm. It is also peace that slays the dragon.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27
Peace be still to you oh soul.