The Oxford dictionary defines sonship as: the state, fact, or relation of being a son.
(I am using the term in the gender inclusive sense, referring to both men and women. Sonship has become somewhat of a christianese term in the 21stcentury. It is not a common term used in mainstream culture. If there were a more gender inclusive term other then typing son/daughtership I would use it.)
What does it mean to be a spiritual son or daughter? What does it look like to lead, to serve, to love, to fight, to dream, to sacrifice, to live as a son or daughter God?
Christ demonstrated what sonship looks like from a spiritual perspective. Christ knew his identity and he knew his mission. In simple terms his mission on earth was to die. You cannot bypass the crucifixion to get to the resurrection. No you don’t earn your relationship or your worth in God’s eyes through works or performance. But there is still a cost to being a son or daughter. There are lovely, cosy, sugar sweet attributes of sonship. But there is also the blood, sweat and tears of sonship. Childbirth (how we all came into the world) usually involves more of the later. Obedience and sacrifice come with the territory.
And then there is entitlement. Entitlement is defined by the Oxford dictionary as: the fact of having a right to something. The belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.
A spirit/mindset of entitlement demands the perks of sonship without paying the price.
God is seen not a father but a sugar daddy. Entitlement denies that obedience and sacrifice and surrender are integral to the Christian life. Instead these things can be seen as ‘religious’ and to be avoided. You will usually see these people chilling and justifying their laziness with talk of embracing ‘rest’. Leaving out the inconvenient truth that somewhere someone else is left to do the work that these restful ‘sons’ deem beneath their level of ‘sonship’. Rest is a mindset. It doesn’t mean not doing anything. A servant is not a son, but a son will seek to serve. Family only works when everyone plays their part. Otherwise you have dysfunctional family.
Entitlement makes unfair demands of others.
Entitlement constantly makes demands of others, on people and on God. “Give me what I want.” Entitlement will expect a lot from others without seeking to reciprocate. Entitlement takes. It consumes. It rarely gives. Unless it is giving to get. Basically, entitlement is selfish.
When pursuing sonship, It can be all too easy for us to slip into the trap of entitlement. Entitlement is what happens when an orphan is masquerading as a son.
A lack of understanding of the Cross can produce spiritual entitlement. God made an incredible sacrifice, a tremendous act of love beyond anything anyone could possibly display. And our response can be “And…what else are you going to do for me God?” We seem to think that we are entitled to blessings of wealth, health, position, our dreams etc.
Are we forgetting that we were not even entitled to the Cross?
Yes God loves us as children. Yes God wants to bless us. But we are not entitled to those blessings.
Entitlement breeds ingratitude.
I have exercised more than my fair share of ingratitude towards God. Losing sight of what he has done for me and instead expending my energy fixating on what He hasn’t done.
“Why hasn’t this happened?” Why haven’t you done this?” “Why did you let such and such happen?”
And then I remember what He has done, in particular, that One thing He has done.
The Cross is the antidote to entitlement.
Jesus is the Son of God, and yet he didn’t send someone else to do the difficult dirty work of the Cross. He didn’t see any task or person as beneath him. God didn’t see himself as too important to be degraded to the point of death on a cross.
I have been trying to think of ways I can address entitlement in my own life. Here are some of my ideas:
- Mediate on the Cross. Take time to reflect on what he has done already. Study scripture that speaks of God’s sacrificial love for us.
- Don’t demand the best seat at the best table. Don’t expect special treatment. Allow someone else to promote you instead of seeking to promote yourself.
- Be willing to engage in the dull, menial tasks of serving others. Don’t treat these tasks as beneath you. Someone has to do those dishes and clean that toilet.
- Practice gratitude. Each day find one thing to be thankful for. Even it is as simple as having oxygen to breathe.
- Practice empathy.
- Be willing to associate with people who you have little to gain by hanging out with, and not just the ‘important’ people with position and title.
- Listen first. Speak second.
- Be kind – to yourself as well as others.
Hopefully one day I will have removed entitlement and orphanhood from my own life and have learnt to live in the true spirit of sonship. As always, there is a process to everything.