Kindness
Noun: the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.
Synonyms: big-heartedness, warm-heartedness, tender-heartedness, goodwill, affection, warmth, gentleness, tenderness, concern, consideration, care, helpfulness, thoughtfulness, unselfishness, selflessness, altruism, compassion, sympathy, understanding, big-heartedness, benevolence, friendliness, neighborliness, hospitality, courteousness, public-spiritedness, generosity, indulgence, patience, tolerance, charitableness, graciousness, humaneness, mercifulness.
The world could do with a little more kindness.
I like the phrase; throw kindness around like confetti. If only humanity would be more generous with our kindness towards one another. Instead people steal it away like a rare item – only so much to share with so few. I haven’t written in a few weeks. I have been too absorbed in the latest (western) current affairs. And it’s these recent events (or should I say people’s responses to recent events) which has led me to think a lot about kindness lately. And more specifically, what gets in the way of kindness? How could the world become a kinder place? How can I become a more kind person?
Here are just some of my thoughts.
Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart. Proverbs 26:22 NLT
The author of Proverbs states a kind of obvious and somewhat disappointing trait in humans. We love gossip. There is something strangely satisfying about hearing negative reports about others. The writer of Proverbs mentions gossip as being like sweet honey on the tongue, yet turning to vinegar in our stomach. It may delight the senses, but spoils in our core. Also I think we love the idea of having someone to scapegoat our anger on to. We can take years of anguish and slap it onto this person. The problem is that people weren’t designed to bear that kind of weight. This kind of tactic works better if we have no relationship to this person. As I have heard it said; it’s hard to hate someone up close.
Synonyms for hate include: Loathe, detest, dislike greatly, despise, feel aversion towards, feel revulsion towards, feel hostile towards, be repelled by by, be revolted by, regard with disgust, not be able to bear/stand, be unable to stomach, find intolerable, shudder at, recoil from, shrink back.
This is simply one of the symptoms of not dealing with our own pain, anger, shame etc. Ignoring pain doesn’t make it disappear. Emotional pain has to go somewhere. A lot of our reacting to people and situations comes from unresolved hurts and pain.
Have you ever witnessed people emotionally arguing over something as banal as whether McDonalds is better than Burger King? You just know there has to be something more going on than the merits of either fast food chain. Or maybe there really are people who have a deep, abiding emotional attachment to a burger.
It’s like the prophet Michael Jackson would say; If you wanna make the world a better place, then take a look at yourself and make the change.
If healing your emotions isn’t enough motivation in itself to deal with your inner turmoil, then think of it this way; It’s not just about you. It may sound like a cheesy line from a nineties pop song, but it is actually true. If you going to affect the lives of others with genuine healing, you will have an awful time doing it if you are not also willing to work on your own healing.
The world could do with a little more kindness. And it starts with being kind to yourself.
Kindness does not look like being a doormat. It does not look like letting people push you around. It doesn’t look like not having healthy boundaries in place to protect your priorities. Kindness does not look like footprints on your back. Nor does it look like not having an opinion or ideas contrary to the crowd. It does not look like pretending.
Kindness does not mean hiding from disagreement. For example when it comes to those difficult conversations about politics we are not supposed to hide from the discussion. We are to bring honour and a willingness to understand into the discussion. We are to bring gentleness and compassion into our interactions. Kindness does not look like hiding. Love doesn’t hide.
Now I have a personality type that would rather go along to get along, but that does not come from kindness. That comes from a fear of conflict. That comes from a fear of being hurt. And I am the first to admit that is not me being kind. That is me being afraid.
I don’t want the appearance of some kind of pseudo kindness. I don’t want fear disguised within a saccharine facade. I want to express genuine kindness. And I would desire the same for all of us.
What does it look like? It looks kind of like the list at the top of this post.
The world could do with a little more kindness. Share it. Throw it around like confetti.